Over and Over
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right Blaine/Kurt, spoilers for 5x01
1. Prologue

**Title:** Over and Over  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine/Kurt  
**Chapters:** Prologue/?  
**Word Count:** 605  
**Summary:**Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now.

**Over and Over**

**Prologue**

Blaine Anderson is eighteen years old.

At least, he thinks he is. In this lifetime. Sometimes it gets hard to remember, hard to sort through all of the memories and lifetimes that he's already lived. Sometimes he dies as an old man, white-haired and with a family and a legacy left behind him. Sometimes he dies young, in horrible ways and in horrible pain and he just wants it to end so he can start it all over again. Sometimes he's tall, sometimes short, sometimes blond or brunet, one time he was reborn as a woman which was…interesting but he's pretty sure now that the universe was fucking with him and having a laugh at his expense.

All he knows is that, in every lifetime, in every age, in every place, no matter what he looks like or what he's doing with his life, his soulmate is always there. Different names, different appearances, but every time he's laid eyes on the other part of his soul he's _known _and he's exhausted from doing it over and over and over again.

Because sometimes they meet as children, sometimes as teenagers, sometimes as adults. Sometimes they both die young, or they both die old, or one of them dies before the other, and he's ready to collapse into a ball and cry because going through it so many times drains you, and half of him is tempted this time to just…never look for his partner at all.

He knows it doesn't work like that. Of course that would be too easy, to live a life all on his own. And he knows if he tries to avoid the inevitable it will happen anyway and he…she…whoever they are in this lifetime will drop into his path regardless.

It's gotten to the point where he almost _resents _the idea of meeting them, because the real kicker? They never remember. Every lifetime is new and exciting, first loves and soulmates and the thrill of finding the one person who understands you better than anybody else, but for Blaine it's getting harder and harder to not crack because _nobody understands, _and if he told anybody of the lifetimes he's got stored in his memory they'd send him to an insane asylum.

Still, here he is, sitting in a coffee shop in New York City because something's drawn him here and in this lifetime, short and dark-haired and hazel-eyed with a body and appearance he knew was desirable and a talent for singing that he's never really had before, he knows that today is the day he's going to meet _them _and this whole thing will start all over again.

He doesn't know how much he has left to give, how much of himself he can spare knowing how it's going to inevitably end, but when the man pushes through the door he feels his heart skip a beat and his breath stutter the way it _always does _the first time he lays eyes on them.

Because the man is _beautiful, _not just because of Blaine's inevitable connection to him but just because he _is, _tall and confident with upswept hair and delicate features, legs that go on forever and wearing a coat that hugs the lines of his body, broad shoulders and tapered waist and Blaine knows he can't stay away.

It's time to start another life of falling in love against his will and fighting tooth and nail to not care and never, ever being able to reveal his secret to somebody that should know it already.

And all he can do is just sit back and let it happen.

**Notes:**

**1. **So this idea kind of hit me after hearing Blaine's proposal speech, and I know the soulmate idea's been done before but I hope this is a bit of a different spin on it. This will have a happy ending, eventually, but I can probably warn now that some of Blaine's memories of past lifetimes won't end quite so happily.

**2. **So, um, let me know if this is interesting at all or worth continuing? (also the title is partly inspired by the Three Days Grace song of the same name because I thought it was fitting).


	2. Chapter 1

**Title:** Over and Over  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine/Kurt  
**Chapters:** 1/?  
**Word Count:** 2030  
**Summary:** Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)

**Chapter One**

Initiating the meeting is always the hardest part. In some times and places it was easier, they were brought together by circumstances that forced them to interact, but right here and now he's not sure how to go about it without being creepy (it's been a while since he's seen his other half, their last lifetime together had been one of the better ones. Times were changing and they both lived to a ripe old age, at least, so starting over again isn't as fresh as it once was).

Still he's not letting this chance pass him by, and he darts his eyes around the coffee shop before a smile graces his lips as he realizes that he's currently at the table with the only free seat left on this busy autumn afternoon, which means unless the man's in a hurry he's going to come over.

Blaine's planning on it, in fact, and he's still got half of his coffee left so he tries to sit still and contain his rush of apprehension when the other man does indeed walk over. There's a slight hitch in his breath, a subtle widening of his eyes that tells Blaine he feels the connection even if he has no idea _why _right now,

"Excuse me," he says, and Blaine takes in the sound of his voice: higher than he'd expected, maybe, but melodious and assured and it somehow _suits him. _"Sorry, but is this seat taken? Everywhere else is full," he shrugs apologetically and Blaine gestures for him to sit, which he does with a thin-lipped smile. "Sorry. Again. I'm not in the habit of interrupting strangers in coffee shops," he laughs and Blaine feels some of the dread that was wrapped around his heart start to ease.

Maybe it won't be so bad this time. They're not in a war, they're not in a place where disease runs rampant, and while of course something bad can still happen…for the first time, if they make it there, they can get _married _and that's pretty fucking huge if he has to say so himself.

"Kurt Hummel. If we're going to be sitting here for a while we might as well introduce ourselves," he holds out his hand and Blaine reaches to take it, feeling a spark jump between their skin at the first contact. He knows Kurt feels it too, can see another burst of confusion in his eyes before he covers it up, but that one simple touch only confirms that this man…Kurt Hummel…is indeed his soulmate.

"Blaine Anderson," he replies, and Kurt smiles serenely and crosses his legs, looking so at ease and confident in his own body. He's not always, and more times than Blaine can care to count he's been reluctant to enter into a relationship with another man, whether because of society or social standing or some other obstacles, but he has a feeling the fact that Blaine's male won't be a factor this time. In fact, it might even be a blessing.

"Well, Blaine Anderson, what brings you to apparently the busiest coffee shop in New York City?" Kurt asks, a little teasing and a little flirty and oh, well, this is already almost too easy.

"Just…scoping out the neighborhood," Blaine says honestly. He's not sure why he knew Kurt would be in New York, but somehow he's always known, and even growing up with the parents he'd been given this time around (nice people, but not overly invested in his life) and his idiot of a brother (God, he's going to miss Cooper when his time here is done) he's always been working toward New York.

Add in the fact that he's extremely musically gifted in this life and, well, musical theatre was an obvious choice and he's talented enough that getting into the program he'd been looking at hadn't been much of a challenge.

"I just started at NYADA as a freshman, so…"

"You're joking!" Kurt's eyes light up. "I'm at NYADA, too. Second year," he adds and Blaine nods because that would explain why he hasn't seen him around before. "Small world, huh?"

"You have no idea," Blaine mumbles, too quiet to hear, because God, if only Kurt knew. "So maybe we'll see each other around, then?"

"I'm sure we will," Kurt replies, and Blaine's about to ask a question when somebody brushes a little too close to the back of Kurt's chair, nudging it and causing Kurt to curl in on himself almost instinctively. Blaine feels a surge of protectiveness wash over him that he has to tamp down, but this at least proves that Kurt's not quite as confident and self-assured as he presents himself to be. "Sorry," he says a moment later. "I'm just…you're gay, right?"

Blaine nods without even thinking about it and Kurt sighs in obvious relief.

"I grew up in Ohio, and I…well, gay kid in conservative rural Ohio, you can imagine," he laughs harshly and Blaine's floored by the realization that he and Kurt probably grew up only a few hours apart from each other but he hasn't met him until now and that's almost disappointing.

"I'm from Ohio, too," Blaine says even though his whole mouth feels dry. "Westerville."

"You're kidding? Lima. Were you in show choir?" Kurt leans forward interestedly. "Dalton's in Westerville, right? We competed against them."

"You were in New Directions?" Blaine almost squeaks because _this _has never really happened before, this chance almost-meeting several years before they actually meet properly.

"Yeah. But I think the year they competed against you I wasn't there…my dad was having some health issues that fall and between that and getting harassed I quit Glee for a while," he stops as if he's afraid he's revealing too much. "Sorry, you don't need my life history and normally I don't tell people this, but…"

_But I trust you. But I feel like I've known you for a thousand years. But I feel safe with you. _

The words hang unspoken but Blaine knows Kurt's thinking them even if he doesn't know why.

"It's okay," Blaine assures him. "Really. I…yeah, let's just say I know a thing or two about getting bullied," he adds, and while getting beat up outside of a school dance hardly compares to some of the pain he's had to endure over the centuries, it's still not anything he wants to relive. "But we're here now, right?"

"We are," Kurt holds his cup up and Blaine laughs and knocks his against it in toast of sorts. "And I…oh, shoot, I forgot, I have to go. Do you want to exchange numbers? It's not every day you meet somebody from your old neck of the woods that's going to the same school," he's obviously thinking he's being too forward but Blaine's just glad _he _doesn't have to ask that and he nods, getting his phone out.

Technology has made life so easy, he thinks as they finish the exchange and Kurt promises to text him so they can meet again. There were times they went weeks or months without communication and if he wanted to find him he'd have to physically go and do it, but now Kurt's always just a text or a phone call away.

But it's still too easy, and too coincidental and _something _has to give, although Blaine's barely finished thinking that when Kurt's gathering up his things and standing. "I really do have to go, my boyfriend's expecting me, but it was nice meeting you!" he waves and heads out of the shop and Blaine tries not to hit his forehead too hard when he slumps down against the table.

Of course Kurt has a boyfriend. Of-fucking-course he does.

000

"News to me."

"Is he okay with you just…gossiping about him like this?"

"Look, Frodo, what Lady Hummel doesn't know won't hurt him, and I've got this Psychic Mexican Third Eye that lets me know if I'm talking to somebody I can trust. And I've decided that I like you, which doesn't happen often, so appreciate it," the girl stands upright and crosses her arms across her chest, one eyebrow raised as if daring Blaine to contradict her, and he wonders how he got into this situation.

Oh, wait, no he doesn't, it's because bad things always happen to him.

"So wait, you're saying he _doesn't _have a boyfriend?"

"I'm saying that he's got commitment issues, and I don't blame him. High school was rough, and it maybe should have been for me too but life's got this ridiculous double-standard where the dickheads that threw him in dumpsters for being gay are the same ones that would pay to watch my girlfriend and I make out. Plus I'm a raging bitch, and Kurt's got a sharp tongue sometimes but he can't compare to me," she grins then and slides into the seat across from him.

Santana Lopez, he thinks. Kurt had asked to meet him at this diner and he'd gone willingly, although before they could even order his phone was going off and he was rushing to meet this mysterious boyfriend again. Which is how he found out that two of Kurt's best friends and roommates also work there, and Santana had apparently been observing them for long enough that she's decided to take pity on Blaine because, as she started with, 'you look like a puppy who just got scolded for peeing on the floor.'

He can't say her frankness is unappreciated, though, because the more he knows about Kurt, the better.

"Look, Dapper Dan," she whips a nail file out of…somewhere and starts working on her nails, seemingly not paying attention to Blaine at all. "How do I say this…most of the guys Kurt brings home? Are not his type. At all. And for a while I just thought maybe he was exceptionally bad at finding good men, but since he always brushed them off with something like, 'he just wasn't right' or 'it just didn't _feel _right' and never seemed too broken up…which is probably the weirdest part, since he pretty much cries at everything…I started thinking that maybe he's not even trying at all," she sighs. "So I might not know you, but you're already about a million times more appropriate for our little pretty pony than anybody else he's tried to go out with. Kurt needs somebody that's going to sing stupid Broadway duets with him and be a perfect gentleman, and you certainly look the part."

"So is this you giving me approval, or…?" Blaine starts because he's still trying to figure her out and she purses her lips and pats his hand before standing up again.

"I'm saying you should go for it, because I want to see him happy, but if you hurt him you're going to die a very slow, very painful death. Is that clear?" she's certainly looking at him _now, _eyes boring into his and Blaine fights down the urge to tell her that whatever she's got planned in that head of hers won't be half as bad as some of the deaths he's had in the past.

"Understood. Right now I just want to be his friend," he says honestly, because that's the best way to start, and she sighs and mumbles something in Spanish before muttering, 'that's what they all say' and walking away.

He stays in the booth for a while, mulling this information over in his head and realizing that it makes a strange amount of sense. If the reason Kurt's seemingly not trying to find a long-term partner is because subconsciously he knows that they're not the one for him, then it should be easy to connect with him.

If, however, it's for another reason, or some lingering fear from high school about getting too close to somebody that could hurt him, things are going to be a lot more difficult because the last thing Blaine wants to do is come on too strong and scare him away.

He knows Kurt is special, and not just because they're soulmates.

He just hopes it won't take _too _long for Kurt to feel the same way about him.

**Notes:**

**1. **Thank you all so much for the responses to the first chapter! I know soulmate!AUs aren't uncommon in this fandom but I'm trying to go for an angle I haven't really seen before and I hope it's an interesting one :)

**2. **I know this chapter probably wasn't all that exciting, but exposition is necessary to set up everything else and hopefully next chapter I can explore one of Kurt and Blaine's past lives (I've got about six or seven of them planned out at this point, so we'll see how that goes…)

**3.**Also, I'm on tumblr if you're interested, and feel free to ask questions about the fic or chat or whatever! My blog's at klainejolras (dot tumblr dot com) right now.


	3. Chapter 2

**Title:** Over and Over  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine/Kurt  
**Chapters:** 2/?  
**Word Count:** 2299  
**Summary:** Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)

**Chapter Two**

The first time he goes over to the loft it's just so Kurt can drop some schoolbooks off before they go for coffee. Blaine's hoping that this mysterious boyfriend he has yet to see won't interrupt their…well, he can't really call it a date, but their outing, at least…this time, but apparently the universe has decided to make getting to know Kurt extremely easy this time around but actually _being _with him insanely difficult.

You'd think one lifetime…just _one lifetime…_he'd have it easy, but nope, of course not.

Still, the loft is very Bohemian-chic, and Blaine can appreciate the artistry of it although it's really just a big open space with shower-curtain dividers and a mix of furniture that doesn't match. Obviously living with well-to-do parents has spoiled him, because most of his lives he'd had a lot less than this.

"Sorry," Kurt disappears behind the one curtain and Blaine follows him in cautiously, watching as he takes some books out of his satchel and sets them on a bedside table. A picture sitting there catches Blaine's eye and he reaches to pick it up, smiling at the sight of Kurt and an older, bald man wearing a baseball cap and a flannel shirt. He can see the resemblance, though, and he knows this man is Kurt's father, despite how different they first appear.

"My dad," Kurt says, although it's not really needed, and Blaine nods and sets the photo down. "He's amazing. I…I almost lost him a few years ago to a heart attack, and then again last year when he was diagnosed with cancer, but he's okay now. I just…sometimes it's hard, knowing that I'm here and he's back in Ohio. I know my stepmother's looking after him, but sometimes I want to be there myself, you know? Although I don't think he'd ever forgive me if I dropped chasing my dreams to go take care of him," he smiles sadly at the picture and Blaine thinks about what he's said for a moment, reaching to set the photo back.

"Your stepmother? What about…" and Blaine stops himself, because that's probably getting way too personal and he has to remember that Kurt still sees him as a virtual stranger.

"My mother died when I was young," Kurt says, and there's a fond smile on his face as he's obviously reminiscing. "She was beautiful, and that's…it gets harder to remember, sometimes. I can't remember the sound of her voice anymore, but I remember the smell of the perfume she wore and I remember how it felt to have her hug me and I…it was a long time ago, but I know she's in a better place," he sits on the edge of the bed, melancholy and staring out toward the windows, and Blaine perches carefully beside him.

"Do you think about that a lot? Life after death?" he asks curiously, because Kurt can't know that for him at least there _is none _because no death is ever permanent for long.

"Not really. I don't really believe in any god or any religion. I just believe in family, and friendships, and that maybe sometimes the world isn't quite as cruel as it seems to be. Sometimes," he says again, like he's re-thinking it. "But I know my mother did. And I believe that if God and Heaven…if it's real? She's there. She has to be. But for me I've never found any comfort in that thought," he leans back on his elbows and Blaine's struck with a memory, more vivid than he's had in a long time, because at one time Kurt had believed very strongly.

In fact, he'd make it his life's calling to do so.

000

He knows he has forgotten some lifetimes over the years, but storing that much time in his memory is probably impossible. The fact that this one comes back to him, triggered by Kurt's words, might be surprising considering it had happened over a thousand years ago, but it stands out in his mind for a couple of reasons: because, despite being soulmates, it was one time when they were never truly lovers, and because it might have been the first time he realized that no matter what form he was in or what he was like, loving Kurt…or, the soul that would become Kurt in this lifetime…was never going to be a problem.

He's not sure of the year exactly, but if he had to guess it was probably around 900 AD, somewhere in the North…or, what they thought of as the North then, but for Blaine Anderson, short and peaceful and put-together, the knowledge that he had once been the son of a powerful Viking seems almost laughable. Admittedly, even then he was smaller than average and when most boys of age went out raiding, his father had decided he was to stay at home and help his mother because as the only heir to the family he had to stay alive.

His mother then had been a kind woman, capable enough of defending herself and her home but without a love for violence a lot of their village had shared, and he was grateful in a way that his main duties were keeping the house tidy and keeping their animals fed instead of sharpening weapons and fighting life-or-death battles.

Kurt…well, Blaine thinks it's easier to think of them as 'Kurt-and-Blaine', even though they weren't, of course, but names and features are lost in time and only vague details remain, feelings and events and random facts that seem inconsequential but that have stayed with him.

Kurt was a monk, which again looking at Kurt now seems almost impossible, but maybe that's how it's supposed to work. His father had brought him home after a raid somewhere in England because, as he said, 'he is youthful and strong and your mother will need help when you come with on the raids.'

But for the time being, he was Blaine's to take care of, because nobody else could be bothered. And he remembers that even then Kurt was stubborn and unwilling, and he listened but it was done with a superior air and perhaps the fact that he was nearly ten years older than Blaine didn't help matters.

Blaine knew about the soulmate thing, even then, and he knew that Kurt was the man he was seeking in that lifetime, but it took the better part of a year for Kurt to even speak to him, and that's the one conversation he can remember clearer than any other.

000

_"Have you ever taken a lover?"_

_Kurt looks up at him, his eyes bright in the firelight as he closes the cover of the book he never seems to let go of and bows his head _

_"I cannot," he replies. "We are forbidden to seek pleasures of the flesh. I chose to devote my life to God and although I no longer live in the monastery, I refuse to lose that part of my beliefs."_

_"What about a male lover?" Blaine presses, because he knows that some men in the village do…things, sometimes with their wives present, and he's almost too young to know what taking a lover entails but he knows he wants it with Kurt. _

_"I would not dare," Kurt replies softly, still stroking the pages of the book. "I do not know enough about your gods to know if such…dalliances are common here, but assuredly they are not where I was raised," he finally sets the book aside. "I do not understand a lot of things about this place. But I suppose, as a slave, I am not meant to."_

_"I do not think of you as a slave," Blaine says quickly, because he doesn't. Yes, Kurt _is, _but that does not mean Blaine has to treat him as such. "You are almost a part of the family now."_

_"Hardly," Kurt laughs bitterly, his fingers curled around the cross that he never takes off. His hair has grown longer in the past year his appearance less put together, but the fire in his eyes and his soul has never died and Blaine vows then that when he is head of the family the first thing he will do is announce Kurt as a free man. "I cannot fathom the act of treating another human being worse than you treat the animals you kill for food, but I am learning."_

_"I would like to learn," Blaine says, moving a little closer and reaching to touch Kurt's knee. This is about the most Kurt has said to him, and Blaine is not going to let this rare show of civility from him go to waste. "And I can help you learn. I can tell you about our gods, about Odin and Freya and Loki. About Valhalla, and…" his voice drops to a whisper, as if he's afraid to say the word, "and Ragnarok. If you, in turn, tell me about your homeland and your beliefs," he offers, and Kurt looks intrigued and even smiles a little. _

_"I suppose that seems like a fair trade-off. Your people are very odd to me, your love for violence and bloodshed frightens me, but I would like to understand if I am to be living here for a long time," he pats the side of the log he's sitting on and Blaine moves to sit beside him, nearly shaking with excitement at being so close because right now it's enough. _

_"Tell me about your one God, then, Priest," he urges, and Kurt begins to speak._

000

Blaine shakes the memory off, hands clenched in the fabric of his jeans as he tries to pull himself out and not remember too much more.

Because there's not much more to remember. A year or so after he and Kurt had started to grow close, a plague swept through the village, and while Kurt fought against the sickness as long as he could and Blaine prayed to every god he could think of, his own and Kurt's and _anybody, _the monk had eventually succumbed to the sickness and Blaine was left alone.

Not for long, as he'd maybe not tried all that hard to defend himself during the next raid he'd gone on, and part of him still feels guilty that he could not carry on his family's name but it wasn't worth it to live without his soulmate.

Death in battle was honorable, at least.

"Blaine?"

Blaine blinks and comes back to the present, seeing Kurt kneeling in front of him and looking concerned.

"Are you okay? You just zoned out on me there. Are you tired? Do you need to sleep?"

"I'm fine," Blaine promises, almost reaching for Kurt's hand but stopping himself before he can. "Sorry, just…thinking. I'm okay, though, let's just get some coffee," he stands up. Kurt looks less than convinced but nods and re-shoulders his bag.

"If you're sure. I brew a mean pot of coffee on my own, though, so if you want to stay in…watch a movie or something…" he pauses and Blaine realizes a moment later that _Kurt _actually wants this, and truth be told he's a little too shaken about reliving _losing _Kurt that keeping him close would be a blessing.

"Well, you'll have to prove it to me," he says with the most real smile he can muster. "I won't believe it until I see it."

"Is that a challenge, Mister? Because I never back down from a challenge," Kurt smiles warmly at him and then seems to remember himself and mumbles something about getting the coffee, leaving the room quickly.

It's a little scary how much it still hurts, seeing Kurt flirting and being open with him the way he really should be and then immediately putting up a wall when he gets confused as to why he's that comfortable around Blaine already.

But it's just something he'll have to get used to for now.

He gets off the bed and heads into the main area of the loft, sliding his finger along the DVD cases that were stacked beside the television as he hears Kurt puttering about in the kitchen.

"Pick whatever you want. As long as it's a musical!" Kurt yells over and Blaine has no problem with that so he grabs RENT off the shelf and bends down to try and work the DVD player (at least it doesn't remind him of anything in particular and he never lived through anything like that himself, so it's safe). He finally gets it started and looks up as Kurt comes over, carrying two cups of coffee.

Blaine accepts the one he's offered and they sit, Kurt grabbing a blanket to pull over their knees. "Well?" he looks expectant so Blaine takes a sip, and Kurt's right, he _does_ brew a mean cup of coffee.

"It's excellent. As promised," he adds, causing Kurt to smile again (and Blaine makes it a mission from then on out to make Kurt smile as often as possible). "But you're sure I'm not interrupting anything by staying? You're not meeting your boyfriend, or…" he has to ask.

"Oh. No, we…it didn't work out. Just didn't feel right," he nearly parrots the exact words Santana had told Blaine he'd said many times before, and when he looks at Blaine then his eyes are open and honest and swirling with the most intense mixture of blue-grey-green and

Blaine realizes something that maybe should have registered on him many times before.

No matter what body Kurt's in, no matter how he looks, he always has the same eyes.

They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, after all, and Blaine knows in that moment that truer words have never been spoken.

**Notes:**

**1. **So the past life in this chapter was more than a little inspired by the television show 'Vikings', which if that's your sort of thing and you haven't watched the first season yet, I highly recommend you do so because it is awesome (and definitely does not end the same way it does in this chapter!). And if you're unfamiliar with Norse mythology, Odin, Freya, and Loki are gods/goddesses. Valhalla was Odin's great hall, and while the legends differ one of the common ones is that it was where the souls of those who died honorably in battle gathered after death. And Ragnarok is the Norse version of what today we call the apocalypse or judgment day or the end of the world.

**2. **Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter! I do try to reply to every review I get and I appreciate hearing what people think, and again, if you want to chat on tumblr I'm over at klainejolras :)


	4. Chapter 3

**Title:** Over and Over  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine/Kurt  
**Chapters:** 3/?  
**Word Count:** 2356  
**Summary:** Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)

**Chapter Three**

"I need a favor."

"Oh…kay?" Blaine asks slowly, because while he and Kurt might be close enough now that randomly starting conversations like that is appropriate, it's still not like Kurt's ever done it before and he looks slightly more frazzled than usual (although for Kurt all that means is that the brooch on his jacket isn't exactly straight and he's got a few strands of hair falling across his forehead in a way that he probably doesn't mean to). "What's going on?"

"Right," Kurt takes the seat across from him, and the coffee shop is mercifully less busy today than it had been the day they'd first met. "So. You know my ex-boyfriend?"

Blaine narrows his eyes because there's still a part of him that gets possessive when he thinks of Kurt being with anybody else, even though he can't really show that. But still. "The one you said it didn't feel right with?"

"Yes. Well. One of my acting classes has a few people doing a performance this Friday night and we're all expected to show up and support them, and he's been pestering me to go with him. So I…might have implied that I had somebody else just to get him to leave me alone," Kurt looks mildly guilty although Blaine can't blame him for doing that. And, well, the fact that he's thought of Blaine first is flattering, even if it's fake.

"So you want me to be your date?" Blaine guesses, folding his hands over his knee and trying to remain entirely neutral.

"It wouldn't be like that," Kurt says quickly. "I mean, I'd like for you to go with me. As a friend."

"But it would look like I was your date to anybody who saw us."

"Yes. Exactly," Kurt looks relieved that he doesn't have to expand on this anymore and Blaine lets his hands curl around his coffee mug so he can resist the urge to reach out and comfort Kurt that way. "I mean…Santana kind of…let it slip to me that she might have told you about my dating life, and I don't want you to get the wrong impression. It's pretty obvious to me that I have no idea how to be in a relationship and that's probably because I never had the chance back in Ohio since, well, the only other gay guy at my school was a closeted jock who just liked to pick on me," he sighs, his eyes going haunted for a brief moment before he shakes his head and looks toward Blaine.

"There's no shame in that, Kurt…"

"I know. But I like you, and you're the first…you're the first friend I've ever had that was gay, and that means a lot to me, and I don't want to ruin anything we might have because I'm probably the worst boyfriend in the world," he ducks his head, his cheeks going a little red, and it's kind of adorable.

"I'm sure you're not. You said it yourself, you just haven't found the right guy," he feels strange saying the words when he's _right there _and he _knows _he's the right guy, but he can't tell Kurt that.

"I just jumped into dating because it was new and exciting and I've never been _desired _before or looked at as attractive and I think I let the flattery get to my head," he admits with a rueful laugh. "But I…" he pauses and takes a deep breath, his eyes lifting to find Blaine's. "I don't know what it is about you, but I feel safe telling you things I've never told anybody else. Is that weird?"

"No," Blaine squeaks out, even though it probably is. Or it would be, if they were anybody other than who they were. But in this situation it's really, really not.

"Okay. Good. Can I…okay, I'm just going to come out and say it and you can judge me if you want to, but I'm a virgin. When it comes to…sex…" he says the word like it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, "I mean, I know _what _to do and _how _to do it…even if my dad was awkward about it he made sure to get me the materials so I could learn and told me that I matter and that sex is going to mean something even if I think it won't, and maybe that's scared me off a little. Or maybe I have unrealistic expectations but it's just never felt _right _and more than anything I want to find somebody that makes me feel like…"

"Like you matter," Blaine does reach out now, curling his hands around Kurt's and feeling the jolt between them (he can tell from Kurt's tiny gasp that he feels it again, too). "That's nothing to be ashamed of, Kurt. I've never had sex either," and it's not a lie, because at least in this body, he hasn't. "I've had boyfriends, but it was back in high school and it was never that serious…" okay, that one might be a bit of a fabrication, because he'd had people interested in him but he'd never reciprocated because he'd been searching for Kurt. "So we're kind of in the same boat, here."

"That's actually kind of a relief," Kurt doesn't move his hand, his fingers lightly stroking against Blaine's palm. "But I really like you. I just want you to know that."

"I really like you, too," Blaine says easily, because _that _one is nothing but true. "But if you want to just stay friends, I can respect that."

"I just…for now. I don't' want you to think I'm leading you on," he says hurriedly and Blaine shakes his head, because he isn't, and even if he was, Blaine will wait forever. _Has _waited forever, basically. "Okay. But you'll still come with me this weekend?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Blaine promises, squeezing Kurt's fingers one last time before letting go, and he feels like even though they might not have gotten anywhere they've made at least a little progress.

Kurt's opening up to him, he's admitting his attraction, and that's all Blaine needs right now.

000

As it turns out, the charade is almost entirely unnecessary because Kurt's ex-boyfriend takes one look at them, at their arms laced together and both of them laughing even as Kurt keeps an eye on him, and turns on his heel to walk away.

The rest of the evening goes off without any incident whatsoever and Kurt apparently takes this good fortune as an excuse to have a couple of glasses of champagne (and it turns out Kurt's kind of a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. Of course, Blaine's not one to talk because in this body he seems to be the same, but at least he's learned not to over-indulge because of it).

So of course at the end of the night he's left with a clingy, inebriated Kurt who seems unable to stand without hanging off of him, and no way to get Kurt home because there's no way he's sending him off alone.

Blaine awkwardly stumbles back to his dorm, thankful that he lives on-campus, and somehow manages to get in even with Kurt hanging off of him like some sort of monkey, heaving him over to the bedroom and letting him flop onto the bed as he mumbles and pushes his face into the pillows.

"Come on, love. Up," he mutters without really realizing what he's saying, but Kurt's thankfully too drunk to notice the endearment and sits up long enough that Blaine can get his jacket off. He goes to hang it up and when he comes back Kurt's rather ineffectually trying to untie his boots, looking up with a pout when he's not getting anywhere, and Blaine smiles and does it for him, leaving him to get under the blankets by himself while Blaine changes into something a little more comfortable for sleeping in.

The downside to having a dorm is that there's literally no place to sleep except the bed, which is fairly large, but he doesn't want to have to explain to Kurt why he's there if they wake up in a compromising position.

Still…

Kurt in his bed isn't a bad thing, so he quickly changes and goes back into the bedroom, getting into bed as far away from Kurt as he can.

"Good night, Kurt," he whispers, hearing Kurt shift before something warm and heavy is draped over his side and Kurt presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek and giggles.

"G'night, Blaine. Thanks f'r being m'date," he slurs, rolling back to his side of the bed, and Blaine curls his fingers in the edge of the blanket and wonders how much longer he can pretend he's fine with them just being friends.

000

It's not nearly as bad as Blaine fears when he wakes up; well, that is to say, he's not hard, at least, but their position is still a little…less than innocent. He's flat on his back and Kurt's rolled over so that he's curled up along Blaine's side, his head pillowed on Blaine's shoulder and one arm thrown across the shorter man's chest, his breath puffing against Blaine's neck.

And Blaine _knows _he should wake him up, that the right and honorable thing to do would be to wake him up, but…

But it's so rare that he gets to do this, to wake up with Kurt…or whoever Kurt currently is…and just lie there peacefully. There was always either the fear somebody would catch them or other obligations, that having this luxury isn't something he's willing to pass up yet.

He starts a little when Kurt shifts, smacking his lips and sighing. "I'm awake, you know," he sounds wryly amused, his voice still low and hoarse with sleep.

"Sorry! I'll just…" Blaine starts, before realizing that Kurt's on top of _him _and the other man laughs softly. "Um. Are you feeling okay?"

"For the moment. I don't know what my stomach will be like when I sit up, which is why I kind of don't want to move, but…how drunk was I?" he sounds like he's afraid of the answer. "I mean, it obviously wasn't too bad; the first time I got drunk I threw up all over my guidance counsellor's shoes, so…"

Blaine smiles and lets his hand rest on Kurt's back, staring at the ceiling. "Drunk enough that I didn't want to chance you getting home by yourself, anyway."

"I'll accept that," Kurt stretches a little and nuzzles against Blaine's shoulder. "Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something…you'll think this is insane, but…" he stops and sighs, burying his nose in Blaine's neck like he doesn't want to look, and Blaine strokes his hand down Kurt's back, waiting for him to continue. "I don't get close to people. I never really have, so this should send me running, but I don't want to move. It's like…I feel like I've known you forever, and it's crazy."

Blaine lets his eyes slip closed because really, he has no way to tell Kurt that he's _not _crazy without sounding crazy himself, but the fact that Kurt isn't fighting these feelings even though they're completely foreign to him is really kind of comforting.

"That's not crazy. It's not, Kurt," he assures him, not wanting to say anything more, but it seems to be enough because Kurt doesn't protest. "You know that I like you."

"I do," Kurt admits. "And obviously I like you, too, and I know that if we started dating it wouldn't be like all of the other guys I've tried to be with, but maybe that scares me more than anything," he hugs his arm a little tighter around Blaine.

"You don't have to feel pressured," Blaine says quietly. "I…whatever you want to be, I'm okay with that. If you want to…I mean, if we started dating I promise that I'd never do anything to make you uncomfortable and we can go as slow as you want to."

"Yeah?" Kurt pulls back enough to look up at him and Blaine blinks his eyes open, willing Kurt to see that he's telling the truth.

"I promise."

"Okay," Kurt exhales slowly but when his eyes meet Blaine's again they're full of conviction and a little apprehension, maybe, but definitely not fear or regret. "Okay. It feels like we're going about this all backwards, but okay."

"Yeah, normally you don't _ask _somebody to be their boyfriend while you're lying on top of them in bed," Blaine laughs, because a tightness in his chest he hadn't even realized was there is completely gone now. He knows they've got a ways to go yet, but Kurt's opening up to him and trusting him and _wanting _to be with him and he's just really grateful right now that he is.

"Well, I've never really been one to do things the normal way," Kurt drops his head onto Blaine's shoulder again. "Can we just…lie here a little longer? It's kind of nice."

"Yeah," Blaine's agreeing to both of those things, and Kurt seems to get that as he relaxes more fully.

Blaine decides then that he's not going to worry about the future, not yet, because even though he knows that one day, sooner or later, this will all end, right now he's warm and happy and comfortable.

And right now, that's enough.

**Notes:**

**1.** Thanks for all the reviews/comments on the last chapter :) I'm glad people are enjoying the fic, and I hope you liked this instalment as well!


	5. Chapter 4

**Title:** Over and Over  
**Author:** AoiTsukikage  
**Rating:** PG-13 for now but will probably go up to NC-17 at some point  
**Characters/Pairing:** Blaine/Kurt  
**Chapters:** 4/?  
**Word Count:** 2172  
**Summary:** Soulmate!AU!fic. Blaine remembers every lifetime he's ever lived, every time he's found and loved and lost Kurt. Kurt doesn't remember any of them except the one he's living right now. (Spoilers for 5x01)

**Chapter Four**

"Kurt?" Blaine pokes his head around the door to the dance studio, wondering why Kurt's asked to meet him here instead of at the coffee shop or even at Blaine's dorm. Although, since their relationship progression after the night they'd spent there has been moving at less than a snail's pace, maybe there's a reason for that.

Kurt's…an enigma, and Blaine's always kind of gotten that impression from him but maybe he'd expected that once Kurt all but agreed to a relationship, he'd actually want to do things that implied they were _in _a relationship.

Except that's not how it's happening, and the last thing Blaine wants to do right now is scare him away so he's just…not going to say anything no matter how confused he is.

Which still doesn't explain why they're meeting at school, and he slides around the door and yelps when something whips right by his face.

"Hey!" Kurt stops, spinning a pair of what look like ninja swords around before finally standing still. "Sorry, I was concentrating."

"Are you…trying out for a part in a kung-fu movie, or…?" Blaine stops and laughs incredulously, because this isn't something he'd ever have expected Kurt to be proficient at.

Although, really, it makes a strange amount of sense. He's not…entirely sure if it's possible for them to subconsciously remember talents they'd been blessed with in other lives, but if it is, there's probably a lot more to Kurt than he's realizing.

"No," Kurt grins at him and sets the swords down. "I guess I just…wanted to find a way to protect myself if I needed to, and over time it became sort of a hobby. I used to practice singing while using them, and I figure if I can get through a song without injuring myself that probably means I won't ever be distracted on-stage," he replies, and Blaine has to admit there's a fair amount of logic in that explanation. "Not that I carry them around all the time, but I tried practicing in the loft once and almost took out Rachel's lamp. Although that thing's so gaudy it wouldn't have been a loss," he mumbles the last part mostly to himself but Blaine has to smile regardless.

"You're a man of many talents, Kurt Hummel," Blaine says, and it comes out a little flirtier than he had intended but the slight flush on Kurt's cheeks and the pleased smile he sends Blaine's direction make it okay. "So are we going for coffee, or are you going to wow me with more of your mad ninja skills?"

"Coffee," Kurt replies with a breathless laugh. "But if you want lessons I'm more than happy to oblige."

"I might have to take you up on that," Blaine waits for Kurt to pack the swords away and holds out his hand without even meaning to, but Kurt stares at it for a few seconds before slipping his own into it. "Come on," Blaine laces their fingers together and loses himself in thought as they walk out of NYADA and onto the nearby street.

Because he's going to have to investigate a little bit more, but if it's true that Kurt's remembering snippets of past lives…or, at least, things he was good at in past lives…muscle memory, in a way….that's actually kind of fascinating.

And even though they weren't _ninja _swords, per say, there was a time when Kurt was more familiar with blades than anybody Blaine knew, and he doesn't feel too badly remembering that lifetime because, for what it's worth, it's one of the better ones.

000

He's not sure of the year, exactly, but it was medieval England and he was the son of a semi-important lord. Kurt was the local blacksmith's son, apprenticing to take over the forge when his father either decided to give it to him or passed on, and their town was known for making some of the finest blades in the region.

So yes, Kurt then had known about swords, and had known how to use them quite well. And, really, had taught Blaine a thing or two, since they'd known each other since childhood and become best friends almost instantly.

Lovers, well, that came later, and of course it wasn't anything they could let slip to anybody else, but for a few years they shared each other's beds when they got the chance, or snuck out to a nearby lake on their horses, but when news came that Blaine was to be wed (it was marriage for the sake of power, which was fairly common then, the joining of two noble families to become one with even greater influence) they knew their time was running short and he's not sure why this particular memory is the one that comes up now, but it does.

000

_"I hate that you have to marry that girl," Kurt's surly even in the aftermath of their nocturnal activities, spread on his stomach with his arms crossed under his chin. "Can they not leave us be in peace?"_

_"You know it would not last. If we were two peasants, mayhap, but I am the lone heir to my father's title and I would not disappoint him. She is…"_

_"A woman," Kurt says, as if that explains everything (and it does, in a way). "You will be expected to have children."_

_"I think I will be able to perform my husbandly duties adequately," Blaine's a little put-out that Kurt has so little faith in him. "Even if I must think of you while I am with her," he reaches to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind Kurt's ear, and Kurt turns onto his side and gives him a tiny smile. _

_"You would do that?"_

_"I may need to. But I promise you, no matter what this joining of our families means, you will be my blacksmith always," he hopes that his words are of some comfort, but Kurt frowns and turns his face away. "What is it?"_

_"To be near you for the rest of my life but yet unable to touch you as more than a friend, is that really what we must do?" he sounds distressed and Blaine reaches to stroke his back, sliding his hand down under the thin covers protecting their modesty. _

_"We were friends long before we became this," Blaine reminds him gently. "If all we shall have are memories, at least they will be good ones."_

_"Then, if time is truly that short, perhaps we should spend less of it speaking and more of it making those memories," Kurt turns over, his eyes alight again, and pulls Blaine in for a kiss that makes all thoughts of marriage and children flee his mind entirely. _

000

Okay, so it hadn't been _perfect, _but both he and Kurt had lived to a fairly old age and his wife had been…nice, if a little overbearing and self-centered (actually, from what he knows of Rachel, he thinks they were scarily similar and that thought frightens him a bit).

So, in the grand scheme of things, no untimely deaths and living a rather peaceful life are what he needs to consider it 'good', and it was.

"Blaine?" Kurt's voice stops him and he looks over in surprise. "We're here. Are you okay? You look like you're not…with me," he looks concerned and Blaine shakes his head and smiles, trying to show that he's firmly back in the present.

"I'm fine. Just thinking," he says, squeezing Kurt's hand and getting a small squeeze in return. The coffee shop is packed as usual and Blaine suggests heading to his dorm while they're in line, and although Kurt looks hesitant he eventually agrees when it becomes clear they're not going to get a seat.

He can feel Kurt's reluctance the entire time they walk to the building, and even though they're still holding hands Kurt seems far more distant than he had only minutes before. Blaine chooses not to comment on it until they're inside his room, and he's thankful not for the first time that he's in one of the newer, single dorms and he has everything he needs in his living space.

"Kurt?" he says after a few moments when Kurt makes no move to take off his coat or walk further into the room. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Kurt gives him a bad imitation of a smile and finally unbuttons his coat, hanging it over the back of a chair and walking over to the couch with his coffee. "I just…can't help feeling guilty because I'm being a horrible boyfriend, and coming back here reminded me that I _did _agree to this and, well, I haven't really shown that."

"Kurt, I told you that we would move as slowly as you wanted to…."

"Yes, but I've been moving so slowly that I think even _I _would have gotten fed up if our positions were reversed, and I've been doing a lot of thinking about that," he begins and Blaine gets a momentary feeling of fear because that's not usually a good way to start a conversation. And if he loses Kurt now, there's no guarantee he'll ever get him back because to come on too strong about giving them another chance would just seem creepy and overbearing.

"Kurt…"

"Let me finish," Kurt takes a breath and sets his coffee on the end table, reaching to take Blaine's hands and squeezing lightly. "I don't trust people. Maybe I used to, but it takes me forever to let people in and I know that's a fault I have, but I can't help it. I don't have many friends, people think I'm cold and bitchy and not worth the effort, and I've known Rachel and Santana for years now and there are still some things I'd never tell them. But you make me want to just…tell you everything and that scares me," he's almost whispering now, eyes averted and thumb rubbing almost convulsively over the back of Blaine's hand. "And I keep feeling this weird deja vu around you that I can't explain," he adds and it's similar to things he's said before, all of which make perfect sense to Blaine but Kurt probably finds all of the weird feelings of trust and familiarity confusing and intimidating.

"That's not bad, Kurt," he promises, holding Kurt's hands a little tighter. "I know that maybe true love or love at first sight or getting hit by a thunderbolt the moment you see somebody, maybe that doesn't happen, but if two people have a strong connection I don't think that's something to be afraid of," he tries to be as earnest as he can without revealing too much, but Kurt doesn't look convinced.

"I'm just…afraid, I think, of going too deep too fast because people have hurt me, and I feel like…the more I care about somebody, the more it would affect me if they ever, you know…" he shrugs one shoulder and yes, Blaine _does _know, and he knows that Kurt never has that to fear from him because quite frankly he thinks he might be incapable of doing anything to break the other man's trust.

Except, again, he can't say that. So he has to bluff once more.

"Kurt," he stops and thinks carefully about his next words, because they might be either a way to make Kurt feel more at ease or completely scare him away, and he needs it to be the first option. "I can't promise that I won't fuck up. I'm human, and sometimes I make mistakes, and that's…unavoidable. But I _can _promise that I will never consciously do something to hurt you, and that I will _always _talk to you first if it's something that we both need to decide on. And if that's…okay for you, and you can promise the same for me, I think we're going to be fine," he smiles at the end and Kurt finally meets his eyes, a weak smile of his own on his lips.

"I know. I know I'm being stupid, and you're being way more patient than I deserve, and…thank you," he laughs and hangs his head. "I guess I just have to get used to the weird feelings that we've known each other a lot longer than we actually have, huh? I mean, unless you believe in reincarnation," he's teasing and it's obvious but Blaine stutters out a nervous laugh and can't really say anything to the contrary.

"Hey, c'mere," he replies instead, and Kurt shifts forward enough that Blaine can wrap him up in a hug that Kurt returns after a moment, his fingers digging into the shoulder of Blaine's cardigan and gripping tightly. "We'll figure all of this out together, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay," Kurt whispers against his neck, and Blaine really wants to kiss him senseless right about now but that would drive him off for sure so for the moment he has to settle for just…holding him.

And for the moment, it's absolutely perfect.

**Notes:**

**1. **Thanks for all of the positive feedback on this fic! I know the soulmate trope is pretty common and I'm glad that my take on it so far seems to be at least a little different enough that people are interested to read about it :)


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